What I'm talking about is the latest development in Tempano, the prime time Chilan soap opera that my Chilean grandma and I watch together every weeknight. The basic 'plot' is that a bunch of people were killed on a cruise ship in Patagonia, setting us up with a classic locked room mystery. The suspects include the rich captain and his entire family, his lover/head of staff on the ship, her daughter (who also turned out to be the daughter of the ship captain), the chef who was sleeping with (turned out just for the money) the captain's sister and -- you know what, just check out this chart I made:
Okay so now that we're all clear on who's who, here's the important stuff:
I have a massive crush on this guy: Javier, the detective of eternal scruff. Hot but tortured and assigned to the case. Just look at that leather jacket!
She is the only person in the show who I would want to be friends with: Lissette, adorable worker on the ship who is just always in the wrong place at the wrong time (plus, they all judge her for being poor). She always has on bangin red lipstick.
The show is bad. Really not good. Each episode ends with a freeze frame close up of someone's (who just received some shocking news) face and a fade to black and white. The dirty secrets of the family never end, and who finds out and when is always a major plot point. The most used phrase on the show is "¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?" What are you doing here? No one can do anything controversial (usually involving kissing someone you shouldn't) without someone walking in on you, no one knocks, ever. There is cousin love. I know these shows exist in the US but I also know that they are on at one in the afternoon, not prime time. So why do I love it so much!?
This is my third Chilean telenovela that I have sat through. The first was Martin Rívas: Adventures of a Dreamer, set in the early 19th century during Chile's Independence War (the finale coincided with the bicentennial) and the other was The Family Next Door, about two rich Santiago families that hate and do terrible things to each other (this one was even wackier than Tempano, involving evil twins and a fake paraplegic). The telenovelas don't have seasons, they're just one story that goes for a few months and then the next one comes on. The funny thing is that the Chilean acting pool isn't that big so the actors are all recycled, Martin Rívas is one of the detectives on Tempano. No one seems to mind.
I have come to realize that I like Tempano the best because I understand what they are saying. I have been here nine months now and finally, finally, I get it. I didn't look forward to Martin Rívas because even though I knew crazy stuff was going on, I didn't know what or why. And when you know, it's hilarious. My understanding of Spanish has increased by 200% in my time here, partly, I know it, by listening to soap operas for an hour a day. I'm still learning of course, and from Tempano, I've learned some really important phrases like, "lover," "to have an affair," promiscuous person" and "paternity test." That, and it's become a little ritual between me and little grandma. And lately, it's been pretty cold so she prefers to watch it in her room rather than in the kitchen, so we've been watching it in her bed, a scene that has brought my host dad to literal tears of laughter. I'll ask him to take a picture one of these days.
So, Tempano, just keep doing what you're doing, my grandma and I will keep watching, you are yet another silly yet beloved aspect of my Chilean life.
Goodbye from the cast, who is judging you.
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